January 20, 2008
Not according to plan
I'm finding the world has not been as inspirational as I had hoped. Maybe I'm not looking in the right places, or maybe I'm looking to hard?
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I have tried to find this before, and failed.
I don't know what it's like to be without impetus; interactions keep occurring, and I can't resist them. What interactions are is compelling to me, and I interact with the interactions --poams happen
even if I think I want a rest from them, not that they tire me; even if I want to try to experience rest from them outside of imagined rest, for the sake of an investigation, I cannot put distance between systems of interactions and myself, the putting a form of interaction, the relationship with distance that would unfold, the memories I have (that mark me, are folded into me) of having interacted --are memories that please me, and I assume that even with distance between myself and interactions; I assume that I would still want something to please me, being pleased a form of interaction in being pleased with something.
So, please, tell me how the world manages to withhold inspiration, for the notion of such withholding is intriguing to me, almost incomprehensible to me (sorry; I would interact with notions of withholding that I would imagine, and then poams happen.
I think that with certain people when the outcome of what they had hoped does not go according to plan, rather than allowing it to take its natural course, that may be a changing course, we fall into rejection because we are afraid of what might happen. Or we are afraid that nothing will happen.
Risks can bring failures, and sometimes the idea of failure can force everything off course, because one would rather come up with a new idea than fail at the initial one.
I wish that my brain could be wired in a way to find ideas in everything, but it isn't. I don't want to force my initial plan but in my mind, maybe it will eventually work out?
Seeing as no new ideas have struck me since my first one came up, I must go with it until the change of course happens, and I can only hope that this change actually does come.
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